Posts Tagged ‘eric schmidt’

Stephen Colbert wants “Tall Women Carrying Heavy Things” in his SERPs

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

This week, Google CEO Eric Schmidt visited The Colbert Report, and Stephen Colbert asked Schmidt why nothing comes up when he searches for “tall women carrying heavy things”.

My first thought was that someone should buy that domain, bid on the phrase in AdWords and give Mr. Colbert his fantasy. Seriously, how many people tried that search once he mentioned it? I know I did…

It turns out that this is not the first time Colbert has mentioned his unusual fetish. was registered in April 2007. A guy named Alex posted a long rambling page describing his apparently lonely and somewhat sad life and how he came to purchase the domain after seeing it listed as Colbert’s third most checked website.

“My name is Alex. I currently have no girlfriend, in a few days I will have no job, and I just got back from watching a movie that was considerably out-of-focus at the local theatre. I come home to my sister’s dog welcoming us back and still constipated (sadly he has been ill all day).”

Poor guy.

I was somewhat disappointed that someone had gotten to it three years ahead of me. But then I started poking around a little bit and got to thinking about it, and man, this guy is missing out on some major opportunities here! The site name alone is wonderful link bait, given that it was mentioned in front of Eric Schmidt on The Colbert Report. So here are my suggestions for Alex:

1. Convert it to a WordPress site. Easy to do, lots of theming possibilities that don’t look like something off of Geocities circa 1997. Use it to post pictures of, well, tall women carrying heavy things! Something about this whole concept reminds me of another old Comedy Central gem, The Man Show, and how they always ended the show with totally gratuitous video of hot girls jumping on trampolines. Run with the concept!

2. Toss some AdSense on this puppy. As SEOs we sometimes tend to eschew AdSense on the notion that it somehow devalues the site’s authority, but let’s face it, this is an extremely niche-y site that doesn’t need a lot of page rank. It’s a gimmick, really. Might as well make some cash on it.

3. Set up AdWords. I have a sneaking suspicion that “tall women carrying heavy things” is not going to be all that expensive to bid on. The only ad that shows right now is for The Colbert Report, and they’re essentially advertising your website for you.

4. Set up Google Analytics. While I’m pretty sure it’s a no brainer that your top referring keyword will be “tall women carrying heavy things”, wouldn’t it be interesting to see how many of hits are referred from Or even just how many people search it every time the show mentions it?

5. Put @BobbyGeorgina to good use. Use that poor, underutilized Twitter account of yours to promote your new blog of photos of tall women carrying heavy things. Tweet them at @StephenAtHome in fact! And while we’re on social media, set up a Facebook fan page for your site. Post about it on the fan page for The Colbert Report. By the way, congrats on curing that pesky “no girlfriend” situation, but you’re following six Twitter accounts, and none of them are Stephen Colbert? Really??

Please, Mr. Alex Kirkland, you’ve got first mover advantage here. Please do something awesome with this site!

Google “Pulls a Bing” by Nudging Into Microsoft’s OS Monopoly

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

Just as Microsoft raised eyebrows and overtook SEO headlines by sticking Bing’s big toe into the search engine monopoly created by Google, the search engine giants are now turning the tables by announcing the development of their own operating system, the Google Chrome OS. This early announcement is a slap in the face for Microsoft, and Danny Sullivan knows it:

“No doubt, the announcement will put some crimp into the rollout of Microsoft’s Windows 7 operating system later this year. Some consumers, perhaps only a few, may decide to wait on upgrading. It definitely puts Google now going directly against Microsoft against its other major area of revenue (operating systems). Google’s already been attacking on the application front. In terms of search, Microsoft has been trying to fight against Google’s dominance with a renewed push from the rollout.”

This brings to mind the great quote from Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto’s character after the attack on Pearl Harbor in the film, Tora, Tora, Tora:

“I fear that we have awakened a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve.”

Was Bing’s rising success the tipping point that pushed Google to release this information? It is a speculation that must come to mind when comparing the two giants’ actions, but it doesn’t make sense for Google, especially now that data has been released proving Google’s superior search result relevancy. As Google CEO Eric Schmidt himself stated, “Google is literally one click away,” and loyal Google users find it hard to forget.

Dave Methvin, a writer for InformationWeek’s weblog, ran his own experiment on Bing to see if he would switch. He ultimately dropped Bing for Google, claiming that, “The problem isn’t with the search results quality; it’s all the other things that Bing doesn’t do — and some things it does that I wish it wouldn’t.”

Now it would seem that it’s Microsoft’s turn, and I’m curious to see what move they’ll take. With all of the free applications that Google offers, it would seem that Microsoft only has a few pieces left in this game. Granted, this is still Microsoft we’re talking about, and it’s not going to crumble just because Bill Gates has retired.

Maybe watching their stocks will give WolframAlpha something to do.